i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
