Your tits are I can't wait for
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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