I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
