How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
