I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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