Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
