god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
