My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
