mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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