I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
