12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is the high leading the old right now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
