he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
