not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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