Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
