does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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