Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
