I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
