Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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