My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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