I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
