I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
