I met the friendliest cop last night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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