y did u give ur computer a hand job?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
