why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
