I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
