i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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