He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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