I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
