Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize