Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
