My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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