Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
