Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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