i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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