is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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