So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
