i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
