Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
