Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
