this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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