you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He better not be in your backpack
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
