tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
