is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
