I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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