Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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