he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
