My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
