so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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