Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
