you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
bring money and cleavage
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
