Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
