I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
