don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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