um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
