i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
