Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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