DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
