hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
