found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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