Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
