I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
