he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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