I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
