What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
