as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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