you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
