And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
