You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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