I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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