Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
