Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
