she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
