Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize