I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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