Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
