Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
