is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
