did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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