Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
