He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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