I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
