There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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