before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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