I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
