He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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