Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it penis luge time yet?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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