I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
