So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
