so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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