Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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