Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
