There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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