well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
