so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize