All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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