Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize