Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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