Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
someone owes me an orgasm
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
