i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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