Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
