Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how drunk are you?
Several
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
