Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
