So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
