that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
