She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
